


I thought of Angels, Choking on their Halos

by DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose



Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: Adam is a Good Friend, Adam is surprisingly wise, Attempt at Humor, Canon Divergent, Hamilton References, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I didn’t intend to make Matt and Nick so mean, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kenny and Adam should have taken care of themselves, Kenny is a clueless idiot, Love Confessions, M/M, Mario Kart, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Our boys are bad at feelings, Pining, Slow Burn, The Cleaner - Freeform, The YB are kinda mean in this, There is some golden lovers, a few FOB and other Emo/punk etc references, but fic bucks can go to hell, but if Kenny x Adam isn’t your thing I wouldn’t recommend, i love them really, ive no clue where in the timeline this is, mario kart is a love language, my attempt at slow burn, probably super ooc, technically, we are the elite and we are bad at emotions, wearing each other’s clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28078266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose
Relationships: Ibushi Kota/Kenny Omega, Kenny Omega/Adam Page
Comments: 68
Kudos: 24





	1. You consume my thoughts, but I'm not sure that I'm in yours at all.

The match was over, and they had won. 

Adam was proud of himself, for the first time in a long time. It had been a hard fought match but they had been moving together, always on target. Always striking in perfect synchronisation. 

For Adam, it was hard not to be synchronised with Kenny. Every time he even looked at the man, he felt like he was finally home. When he was at Kenny's side, he felt like there was no other place in this world that he should be. 

His cheeks would flush and his heart would race, and his mind would cease to produce rational thoughts, like he was some schoolgirl with a crush. 

It was embarrassing, but he didn't care. It was his little secret, and he guarded it well.

When Kenny wrestled, Adam was captivated by every graceful movement. His eyes would be glued to his partner, not looking away for a second, almost holding his breath as he would leap gracefully from the top rope.

When Kenny talked, Adam watched his hands, and if he was sure Kenny wasn't paying attention, he would watch his lips. Noticing the way the the left corner of his mouth would quirk up into a smile when he was being snarky and how he would gently bite it at his lip when he was nervous... but most of all, he imagined just leaning in and kissing Kenny. 

He felt almost jealous when he saw him with Matt and Nick. The way they effortlessly bantered whereas Adam struggled to find the words. He wasn't as smooth as them, he wasn't as close to Kenny as them. His dislike for the Young Bucks was more than likely driven by his jealousy and though he knew that, it didn't really change what he thought of them

Adam knew he had fallen head over heels for Kenny, but they each had bigger things to deal with. 

He was watching Kenny again. His eyes just drifted to the man, like there was some kind of magnetic attraction to him. This time, though, he knew something was wrong. 

Kenny had grown distant and quiet, not speaking a word. His smile was absent from his face, and he looked deep in thought. The kind of deep in thought where you begin to spiral downwards.

Adam understood how that felt, of course. He wished he could be of some comfort to Kenny. Some distraction. An escape from whatever thoughts were tormenting him. 

It was all wishful thinking. He knew that Kenny had someone else on his mind.

Kenny craved the warmth of days that had long since passed. A world that had once been golden was stained grey, as dull and hollow as the ringing in his ears. Everything was grey, everything blended, like he was staring out of the window of a moving train while wearing sunglasses. Everything felt empty and devoid of hope.

He didn't want his friend to worry over him, so he kept all these thoughts inside his mind, condensing the storm clouds.

They were walking back to the hotel. The rain was drenching them both, and Adam tucked himself closer into Kenny, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders. 

Kenny barely reacted, and Adam pulled away, feeling useless and worried.

Normally pulling him closer would earn him at least a faint smile, even on the nights where it felt like the world was crumbling and the sky was falling and they were as powerless as could be. 

He could feel Kenny watching him with icy, glazed over eyes. He wasn't sure why, but he supposed that now was as good a time as any to strike up a conversation.

"Kenny, what's wrong?" 

Adam rested a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel at least a little better. To remind him that, even if he and Adam weren't all that close, Kenny was not alone through whatever this was. Kenny stiffened, before he relaxed. He leant into the touch, taking refuge there. Hiding from his problems like he always did. Evading. 

He didn't speak, but he didn't have to. Adam understood. He just needed touch, something to make him feel whole, like he was even real. 

"I'm alright, I promise."

Those words were as soft and sweet as rose petals, and they were spoken with such warmth. But it all felt like a lie. A veneer.

He wasn't going to let Kenny avoid forever. He wasn't going to let Kenny keep running from his feelings, and he certainly was t going to let Kenny get stuck in the very same loop he was in.

He knew he was paranoid, but something deep in his heart was telling him to reach out. Telling him that something was wrong, and Kenny was hurting.

He knew it was his secret adoration for Kenny that was causing this. The jealousy, the paranoia. He knew this crush was bad for them both, on many levels, but he just could not help it.

He had first felt that almost electric feeling in their first tag match together. It had been such a sudden, perfect rush. Watching Kenny in the ring had made his heart feel like it had grown three sizes, and he just couldn't shake off the urge to smile. Being at Kenny's side felt right. 

He knew, in his heart, that his tag team partner had left his heart in Japan. That fact lived in every time he hesitated before delivered a V-trigger. That fact lived in every time Kenny hesitated on the top rope. That fact lived in every time Kenny would hover his finger over the send button before clearing it all.

Kenny looked so fragile now, in the sickly glow of the street lamps. Like he was one wrong word from falling to pieces.

"You aren't alright. You don't have to lie to me, Kenny." He gave a weak smile. "It doesn't suit you." 

"It's that obvious?" Kenny chuckled. The mask slipped back on so naturally, a practiced motion. Covering up the pain. But Adam wasn't going to let Kenny run away from his problems. He knew all too well that it leads to no good.

"I'm here for you, if you want to talk."

Kenny let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair, like he always did when he was stressed. He supposed there was no point hiding it now.

"Hangman, you're already struggling with your own problems. I don't want to put mine onto you. I mean, I've got my issues, I'm not denying that- but your issues have issues. I don't wanna make things worse. And I really don't want to compromise our friendship by making things complicated. If we start leaning on each other like that... it won't end well." Kenny got an almost wistful look in his eyes. He clearly felt like he had betrayed far too much information.

"We compete in everything we do. If we start leaning on each other too, it can and will go far beyond what we bargained for. It's just not a good idea." He finished, looking down. 

Adam looked at him, rather intensely. It had all clicked in his head. Kota and Kenny had always been so competitive in everything they did together. They had always leant on each other.

Kenny was afraid of the past repeating itself.

It was very quiet for a few moments, before he spoke.

"You miss him." Adam said, softly, with something that sounded a little like pity. He wanted to hug Kenny, but he didn't, forcing down the urge, repressing all these weird and new feelings.

"Of course I miss him!" He clearly hadn't intended to raise his voice like that. Adam gently opened the door to the hotel.

"Then we'll stop competing." Adam announced. "You're my best friend, Kenny. Probably my only friend. And you need support. I want to be there for you..."

He wanted to say what was in his heart, but allowed himself to trail off. He gave a big smile,  
"Relax, have a drink with me." He said, trying to lighten things somewhat.

"Adam, you know I don't-"

He poured 2 glasses of Chocolate milk. "I know. That's why I got you some choc." He smiled, before growing serious. "Get it out of your system. It's important."

"What would you know about looking after your mental health?" Kenny folded his arms slightly, almost sulking. Adam chuckled softly, taking a sip before he began to speak. 

"I know how to look after everyone around me, just not myself. It's something we have in common."

"I hate how you know me so well." Kenny sipped. "And you're right. We shouldn't compete the way we do. I don't want that to happen again. You're my friend. And I should open up."

"I'm here to listen. But don't feel like you have to tell." He reassured, placing a hand over Kenny's, the one that wasn't occupied by the glass of chocolate milk.

There was a moment of tense silence while Kenny drew in a breath. It was the calm before the storm. Kenny spoke quickly, like the words had been bursting to escape, on the tip of his tongue. 

"I just- I feel guilty about so many things. I feel guilty every time I tag with you, I feel guilty for leaving, I feel guilty about the way I left things..." 

Adam's heart froze a little. He didn't want Kenny to stop tagging with him, he didn't want Kenny to leave.

"I only really started tagging with you to fill the void and keep me busy. I really didn't want to spiral. But... then I got to know you a little and realised that you're really great. You and Kota are very different, in every way. We're friends, so our dynamic is different, our styles are different... But that doesn't mean you aren't a good tag partner. "

Those first few words were almost soul-crushing. He had been a replacement. A back up plan. He was used to it, but it still stung like hell. He felt his heart melt when Kenny spoke of him so positively, but it was bittersweet.

We're friends.

He wanted nothing more than to burst out and tell him just how wrong he was, to admit how hopelessly in love he had fallen, how a single word from Kenny could render him totally powerless. 

He didn't, though. He could do this. He could settle for second best. All that mattered was that Kenny was happy, right?

The worst part of it all, is that he desperately still wants someone who never wanted him.

"I've never forgotten him, and believe me, I have tried. I dare say that, yeah, I miss him, a whole lot, even though I chose to leave. I still see him in my dreams. Well, nightmares. But they're nightmares tinged with love. It's hard to explain...." 

The words poured out like a fountain, and Hangman almost swooned at how eloquent it all was. He was feeling so many things now, but he pretended that he wasn't.

"No, no. You're explaining it really well. Life's a bitch sometimes. It loves to bring things back around long after you've said goodbye. 

"Wow, those are some wise words." 

"I have my moments." He gave a smile, and Kenny smiled back. "They... don't come very often, as you well know." 

Kenny gave a soft chuckle. "You really have no idea just how much that meant, do you? You just listening to me, just being heard. And knowing that you want make a change, even if it's a small one, to try and make me feel better about all this. You're a good friend."

"Thank you. If you don't mind me asking... why didn't you talk to Matt and Nick?"

"They never liked Kota all that much. They gave me an ultimatum, them or him." Kenny looked down, that goofy little smile wiped right off his face.

"That's immature of them. They shouldn't have put you in that position. Choosing between people you love is never easy, and if they love you like family like you think they do, they wouldn't have put you in a position like that. I know it's rich from me, because I don't like the Bucks... but a good friend would never do that. A good friend would respect your decision and be there if anything goes wrong." 

"Man, you really are on fire with the wisdom tonight." 

"You bring it out in me. You're the only reason I go anywhere near the Elite, you're my best- well, only- friend. I wouldn't risk that friendship for anything. I want the best for you. And to be honest, I think what is best for you, is to have a long conversation with Kota about how you both feel. You never got that closure, and I think that is the problem."

Kenny nodded quietly, processing the advice.

"How do you feel about him, Kenny?" Adam asked, trying to hide the hope and curiously in his voice, and the many other swirling emotions that were now running through his head.

"I love him." he admitted, and Adam's heart sank. He reminded himself why he was doing this. "I just... don't know what to do. I don't think he wants me anymore. I broke his trust. It's my fault."

"Hey, hey. Don't think like that right now."

"It's late. We should be getting to bed." Kenny sighed, putting his empty glass on the bedside table.

Adam agreed. The writhing mass of tangled feelings made him feel ill. Jealousy, guilt, hope, despair and worry.

They watched climbed into the bed, laying back to back. They each drifted off, letting the conflict in their minds take a backseat.


	2. Chemicals badly reacting, Your poison's addicting, Your body's distracting

Adam wrapped black strapping tape around his wrists. It was a pre-match ritual that he had for as long as he had been wrestling. Everyone else had been doing it, so he just kinda copied. He had tried a few styles, and he knew what he was comfortable with. He had later learned it was intended to support the wrists. He thought that sounded about right.

He rotated his wrists, making sure he still had a good enough range of movement to be practical. 

Kenny was sat beside him, looking at his phone. Closing it, putting it down, then checking it again, nervously. The cycle repeated over and over again. He was checking for a response to a long text, which could only really mean one thing. He knew who he was texting long before he was able to see the name at the top of the screen.

He had texted Kota.

He knows it was the advice he had given, and he knows that is what's best for Kenny, but something about it stings. He hates how this little crush is affecting him. He should be able to think clearly. He should be able to handle these feelings. 

He almost laughs at that thought, because since when has he ever been good at dealing with feelings? Kenny is a friend and nothing more, and that is how it would stay. He's still in love with someone else, and there was no way Adam would risk fucking up what he and Kenny had.

He wanted a drink already. He could feel the compulsion, but he ignored it. For Kenny, he reasoned. He wanted to be sober for Kenny, at least until the evening. He knew how much Kenny secretly despised his habit, and the bucks' constant criticism over it really did not help his situation.

"You texted him, didn't you?" Adam asked, with sympathy in his eyes. Kenny grimaced and let out a sigh.

"Yeah. I can't stop checking." Kenny admitted, sheepishly. Adam's eyes were worried as he looked at him.

"Put it in your locker." He said, rather firmly. It was much softer than he initially intended the words to be but he was glad of it. 

"What if he replies?" Kenny bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth. 

This felt odd to Adam. Kenny could be a bit of wild card, he certainly had been in Japan, but recently he had settled into the role of being everyone's rock. That was odd enough in itself, but he supposed it was was just another way that Kenny was compensating for being without Ibushi. He knew that Matt and Nick hadnt even noticed. 

He hated that, how they seemed to take Kenny for granted, how they always expected him to be there no matter what they said or did. He hated them in general, but their selfishness when it came to Kenny was the seal on the letter.

He supposed that this visible anxiety from Kenny was all the things he had been carrying with him and suppressing beginning to escape, and the more he thought about Kenny's mental state, the more he began to worry. He tried to bury the burning guilt he felt in his chest. His drinking problem was probably just adding to Kenny's stress.

"We have a match in 5, Kenny. Don't worry about it. Focus on what we know is ahead, and we'll be alright." He reassured. 

Kenny needed a rock right now, and even if he wasnt all that stable himself, he wanted to be that rock. He'd rather be washed out to sea as his foundations crumble than let Kenny slip away into the grip of the tides. He supposed that was the thinking that got Kenny into this position. Protecting the people he cared about before taking care of himself was what had caused all this stress. 

Right now wasnt the time to overthink anything. He was determined to be the support that Kenny needed. To make up for the damage he had done. 

"Who are we up against?" Kenny asked, gently. Almost timid. Kenny was awkward and abrupt but he was never shy. Adam tried to stop worrying, for his sake, and focused on the happier feelings. The excited jitters before a match, the feeling of being part of a team.

"A couple of Dark Order guys. It's a non-title match, but it won't look great if we mess up. Strategy?" He asked, lacing his boots.

"Mind if I start off? I need to blow off some steam." 

Adam smiled at him. "Sounds great to me. This feels like the first match all over again." 

"Is that a good thing?" He asked, almost worriedly.

"Yeah. I'm not... intimidated by you anymore, if that makes sense. We're a team now, not just two singles guys who are now wrestling tag team matches."

"Me too. I feel like I know you better now."

"So, since we're a team do we get to hold hands n' hug in the ring and shit like best friends?"

Kenny chuckled sarcastically. "Haha, No." 

"Am I gonna sit on your shoulders then for our entrance?"

"Absolutely not." Kenny began to laugh, brightening up significantly. The joke had the intended effect, and Adam was glad of it.

Hearing Kenny laugh felt so good. Just knowing that Adam had been able to make him feel even a little better made his heart race a little. His laugh was one of the best things Adam had ever heard. He had known that Kenny would turn down the offer, even if it had been a joke. But, he certainly wouldn't be opposed to hugging Kenny, if he would let him.

They each stood, walking to the opening of the tunnel, and glancing at each other. They smiled at each other

"After you?" Adam suggested. 

"No. Together." Kenny looked at him

"Together." Adam echoed with a smile and he saw Kenny's shoulders relax. Whether it was from relief or something else, the cowboy can't tell. 

They walked down to the ring. The dark order was already waiting for them, and the air felt a little tense. He let the smile fall gradually from his face as he took his spot on the ring apron, while Kenny climbed into the ring.

Kenny was bouncing, shifting his weight from side to side, shaking his hands, not even making fists just yet. Trying to stay loose and warm as the bell that signalled the beginning of the match rang. He walked to the centre of the ring with such confidence, and he and 10 locked up. A basic collar and elbow tie up. 

He watched attentively as they utilized some basic chain wrestling techniques, headlocks and waistlocks, before Kenny began to run the ropes. 10 caught him with a clothesline, which he really should have seen coming. He got back up quickly.

Kenny leapt into a perfect dropkick. Adam was totally captivated by everything Kenny did, admiring every movement he made, noticing every detail. 

10 was determined, and was back up quickly. Kenny bounced off the ropes, Sprinting towards 10. He bent back, dropping down onto his back to dodge a well-placed kick from his opponent. He hadn't gotten kicked, but he had lost any momentum that he had. 

He was quickly back on his feet, and the pair locked up again. Kenny didn't waste any time, sweeping the other man's legs out from under him with his own, before knocking his opponent's partner from the ring apron.

Kenny hadn't even broken a sweat. He quickly climbed the turnbuckle, somersaulting back into a graceful moonsault. 

He got back to his feet and walked to the corner, extending a hand to Hangman. He was panting, but only slightly. Adam tagged himself in, switching places with Kenny, waiting for number 10 of the Dark Order to get back to his feet.

The rest of the match passed in a hazy blur. He recalled only a few moments of the match and the only ones that stood out were the fact that he was the one to pin their opponent, and that Kenny had accidentally hit him with the V-trigger, right in the jaw. He wasn't mad. He wasn't sure he could stay mad at Kenny, unless the Bucks were involved. 

He was a little unsteady on his feet, and clearly disorientated. He felt arms around him, keeping him steady.

"Already breaking the no hug rule?"

"I'd like your brains to stay in your head, thanks." He chuckled, as they began to walk. 

Adam leant on Kenny, who helped him to the back without any complaints. "I'm sorry for smashing my knee into your jaw. I missed."

"For someone who was the leader of a group called 'Bullet club', your aim is awful." He grinned to show he was kidding. "It's fine, it was an accident. Accidents happen." 

"That's going to be a nice bruise." 

"Yeah, it is. Toss me the ice?" 

Kenny obliged, and chuckled. "It's a shame purple isn't your colour." 

"Very funny, Kenny." He grumbled, holding a the bag of ice to the forming bruise. It was already a soft purple. "How are your knees sharp? Knees aren't supposed to be sharp!" 

He chuckled. "Just an unlucky angle, buckaroo." 

"Please never call me that." He chuckled softly. "I hope I never have to fight you. For the sake of our friendship, and my face."

Kenny laughed, softly, and they continued to gently banter as they changed. It was easy; effortless. It always was, with him. There was no hesitation, no restraint, no awkwardness. At least not with changing right beside each other. It was just one of those things they had grown used to. 

Kenny accidentally pulled on Hangman's shirt- a loose black button-up with some embroidery at the shoulders and chest- and Hangman put on Kenny's, a faded graphic tee. They each laughed softly at the mix up, and Hangman knew he was blushing a little.

"I like it on you." Adam was trying his best not to get flustered. Kenny looked damned good in his shirt, and he was pretty chill with complimenting other guys, so he just went for it.

Kenny chuckled. "We're a team, eh? We share everything now."

"Yeah. Damn right we do." He said softly, still in awe.

They organised their things, and Kenny checked his phone. He frowned. 

"He left me on read." He sounded so small, and it was painful to see him go from chuckling just moments ago to looking so helpless and confused. "What do I do now? I'm sick of this... I'm sick of feeling like this. I just want to forget him."

He wants to pull Kenny into a kiss, he wants to tell him he'll help. He wants to tell Kenny he is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, beyond comparison even with the beautiful sunsets of the Virginian countryside where he grew up.

But he doesn't. Because he knows how it will end.

"We're meeting with the Bucks for supper, right?"

"Yeah, why? I mean, technically they only invited me, but you're coming, I'm not leaving you all on your own."

"How about we take your mind off things? Right now, there isn't anything you can do but wait. So let's go have some fun." 

"How are you always right?" 

"Well... not always. Far less than always, actually." He slung his bag over his shoulder. He felt oddly comfortable wearing Kenny's shirt. He liked the feeling, and he liked it a lot.

They traded playful jokes as they walked up the stairs to drop their bags off in their room, before going to meet with the Bucks. 

Kenny poked the bruise. "Ooh, what does this button do?"

"Oh my god, how old are you?"

Kenny was too busy cackling to answer, and Adam was smiling warmly, very obviously amused.

"Come on, we need to go, Matt and Nick are waiting for us!"

Oh.

Matt and Nick.

Adam had forgotten that part.


	3. Hearts are washed in Misery, Drenched in Gasoline

The two walked down the path to the restaurant where they had agreed to meet Matt and Nick. Adam kept his smile, but the only thoughts in his head were angry ones.

None of the angry thoughts he was battling with were aimed at Kenny. No, they were aimed at the two men they were about to dine with.

Nick always followed his brother's lead. It was almost like he didn't even think for himself. He was spineless, at least in Adam's eyes. At least he was the better wrestler of the two. 

Matt was a hypocrite. He despises people with that obsessive, holier-than-thou attitude. It pisses him off. His comprehensive list of injuries made him bitter and spiteful, and being Kenny's overprotective best friend, he hated Adam with a burning passion, and it was passion he was great at concealing.

They hadn't always been this way. When they had all been younger, they had been close. When Adam was still sober, wide-eyed and naïve, just barely out of his teaching job, and when Matt's neck was still intact. Matt had smiled more and Nick was always piping up with witty comments, even at the worst of times. 

They'd been like family. They used to do everything together, and they truly had been the Elite that they were now masquerading as.

A little bit of him missed Bullet Club. He missed the feeling of being part of a unit, as the Elite hadn't felt that way in some time. Things hadn't felt right for a few months now. He had considered trying to leave again, but he definitely wasn't ready to go solo. 

He also wanted to keep what he and Kenny had, and sucker-punching his best friends in the face probably wasn't the best way to do that. Oh well, it made for a half decent plan B.

Things had been so much easier in those days, even if Kenny hadn't really been himself. Even though, in the end it all fell apart, while it had been working out, it had been pretty fun. He still felt bad for betraying him for Cody. He knew Kenny remembered. He knew he was still hurting, it showed in the way he stiffened up when Cody or Brandi were close by. He looked at Kenny.

Was this man that walked beside him, with his innocent smile and dorky nature really the ruthless man he had once served under, then later betrayed? 

Was that really the man that had overthrown the leader of the Bullet Club to claim his own place at the top of the food chain?

It felt hard to believe. Kenny was so gentle. Even in the ring, he was kind. The power behind his moves was measured and precise, as if he were holding back from hurting his enemy more than necessary to win. 

So could he really be the same as The Cleaner?

The Cleaner had been a ruthless mercenary. Unconcerned with arbitrary concepts such as morals or ethics. He had ruled New Japan with an iron fist and a will of steel, willing to rid the world of anybody who got in his way. 

Hangman just couldn't see Kenny, his Kenny, in that light. Kenny was sweet, and caring. He hadn't stopped apologising for something that had been totally accidental. His lock-screen was a picture of his cat with a little bobble hat on, for crying out loud. 

It all seemed like there was another layer to it. Something he wasn't seeing. Some information he didn't have. 

He looked away before Kenny noticed him staring. That would be embarrassing. He became aware of the fatigue in his legs and the ache in his jaw, finally starting to come down from the adrenaline high of the match earlier in the evening.

He opened the door to the restaurant, smiling at the way all the features on Kenny's face lit up when he saw Matt and Nick, then he felt an overwhelming jealousy. He would do anything for Kenny to look at him like that, with such adoration and affection.

He could feel new adrenaline in his veins when his own gaze settled on Matt and Nick. He could feel the tension rising, slowly but surely, like a rubber band gradually being pulled taut.

"Why is he here?" Matt asked, spite audible in his tone. Adam looked down at his menu, not bothering to get defensive. He knew better than to provoke an argument, it just handed them more ammunition against him. It just stressed out poor Kenny, caught between two sides. It wasn't fair to him.

Kenny glanced between the two of them. He knew there was a bit of tension, but this open hostility was totally unexpected. He blinked, and answered the question with the same gentle, yet somewhat awkward grace that lived in his every action.

"Because. He's my tag team partner, and he's a member of the Elite. I didn't want him feeling left out, because he's our friend." 

That was enough to put a small smile on Adam's face. Kenny wanted him to feel included. Kenny wanted him there. Kenny cared. 

"At least tell me he's sober." The elder brother sighed. Kenny was startled at just how deep the tension ran. It filled him with a familiar sort of dread, the same kind that Cody had instilled in him during their struggle for power when the Cleaner had ruled Bullet Club.

Kenny glanced at Adam who nodded, confirming that he was indeed sober. 

"He's sober." Kenny said, calmly. The atmosphere was uncomfortable, and Adam was already wishing he had never come. This probably felt like hell for Kenny.

Matt looked a little surprised, and Nick shrugged. "Whatever." 

The tone was condescending and dismissive, and Adam's hand clenched around nothing in an attempt to regulate the sudden anger surging through him.

The tense moment passed, and they began to talk. At first it was banter, with Adam staying silent and occasionally sipping on his glass of water and poking at his food. There were soft laughs, but as the conversation continued, it began to edge closer and closer to the wire, and with every passing joke he could see Kenny's discomfort growing.

"It's just- we thought we were getting New Japan Kenny. Y'know? The Cleaner! But we got DDT Kenny, and I mean- that's okay. It's funny, goofy antics, lingering around the tag team division-" Nick started, but Kenny raised a hand and interrupted.

"Look, I don't wanna have this conversation, guys." Kenny mumbled. "Those days are behind me." 

He fidgeted his hands in his lap, looking down. His stubbornness, and the Canadian politeness he was raised to abide by was keeping him silent

"It's just-" Matt started.

Fuck politeness, Adam had to speak up. He wouldn't let Matt and Nick abuse this friendship and trust. He wouldn't let them hurt Kenny. 

"He said stop it. Honestly, it's clearly a sensitive topic!" He knew they were drawing the attention of other diners by this point, but it felt like they were in their own little world where all that mattered was this fight.

"What the hell is up with you? You're being childish." Matt was gritting his teeth. 

"He doesn't want to talk about it! So, STOP. No means no!" He was tempted to add a tirade of angry cuss words into the end, but he was cut off before he got the opportunity.

"Stop fighting. Both of you." Kenny stood, slamming his hands on the table himself, but with more gusto than Adam.

"We aren't fighting!" Matt yelled, rising to his feet as well, assuming a confrontational stance.

"The Elite is fine!" Nick interjected, shortly after, following his brother to his feet.

"Yeah, it is! Just like bullet club was fine." Adam spat, looking at the two men across from him. Adam had his arms folded, and he was leant back. Kenny turned his head to look at Adam, and sat back down.

"Yeah, he's got you there." Kenny said, softly. "What is your problem with Adam? He's done nothing wrong!"

"He's an out of control drunk." Matt almost growled.

"That's totally uncalled for! And it's not even true!" Kenny insisted. 

"He's been a terrible friend!" Nick raised his voice in retort, and red bled into the edges of Kenny's vision.

"You're wrong!" Kenny glared at the two brothers. "You two are supposed to be my best friends. The people I can always count on to be there for me no matter what! The people who are meant to look out for me... And you didn't even notice a drastic personality change. You didn't notice my pining over Kota-"

"Kota used you-" Matt started, but Kenny interrupted 

"Don't say his name! You've no right to say anything about Kota!"

"I stand by my point! I'm your best friend, Kenny!"

"You didn't realise how much I needed someone! But Adam did. He was there, even though it wasn't his job. He let me rant about Kota, and he gave me advice! Drunk or not, he actually had my best interests at heart." His eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. "I should have done this months ago. I'm leaving the Elite." He began to walk away.

"No, Kenny, you aren't." Adam stood, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We're leaving the Elite."

Kenny gave him the weakest of smiles as they began to walk away. As soon as they were outside, Kenny let out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry, Kenny. This is all my fault." Adam said softly. 

"It is, but it's a good thing. You were right about them. They've been taking advantage of my loyalty... they've been taking advantage of everything I have given them."

They walked side by side. It was beginning to grow dark, now, as the night drew in, getting nearer and nearer with every passing moment. Adam's hand was still on Kenny's shoulder. He thought the other man needed the support right now.

"I felt brave, wearing your shirt. Brave enough to stand up for myself." Kenny admits, glancing at him. "Is that dumb?"

"Yours did the same for me." Adam confesses, with a little smile. Kenny unlocked the door to the hotel room. "So if it is dumb, we're both dumb."

He laughed softly as he unlocked the hotel room door, but froze as he felt his phone ring in his pocket. He looked at the screen, expecting Matt's name. But he found a very different, far more startling reality.

"It's Kota."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise! This is a couple hundreds words shorter than I wanted, but I can’t extend it any further!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I’m on Tumblr! 
> 
> My URL for my writing blog is All-Elite-Writing and my Main blog is Dive-In-Head-First-Cant-Lose


	4. I remind you of the days you poured your heart into, but you never tried

Adam sat on the bed, cross legged. "Pick up then, What are you waiting for?" He gave a smile. "You can do this."

His heart was secretly aching. He was torn. If this went well he could lose Kenny forever, but if it went horribly wrong Kenny would be heartbroken. The last thing he wanted was for Kenny to be hurt. 

He swore to himself there and then, that no matter the outcome, he would be there for Kenny. He loved him. So much so, that he was willing to step aside for Kota, if it meant that Kenny could be happy.

Kenny sat on the bed and he glanced at his phone again, before breaking down and picking up. His hand shook as he picked up the call and put the phone to his ear.

"Ibu-tan?" He whispered gently into the phone, voice shaking but brimming with hope, just as his eyes were brimming with tears. Adam just wanted to hold him and make it all go away. 

"It's Kota, to you." The man said, rather flatly. Kenny's heart sank, filling with an almost sickening dread. Kota only spoke Japanese, so Kenny switched over to his second language. Adam could no longer understand most of what they were saying. He had only fleeting words, and Kenny's tone to provide any context.

"Kota... it's been a while." Kenny's voice was soft and slow, almost in awe that this was really happening, that this was Kota's voice, his golden star, on the other end of the line.

"Yeah. It has. Since you left..." his tone wasn't quite bitter, but it certainly wasn't kind. "I still can't understand how you could abandon me without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once."

"I'm looking back, Kota. I'm looking back right now." Kenny wiped his eyes. An unspoken plea was evident in his voice, which was shattered and fractured, tinged with desperation.

There was a bitter laugh through the phone. Even to Kenny, it felt unfamiliar. "After all these months. After months of healing, or at least trying to... After months of watching you forget me so easily, and move on with another tag partner, replacing me so quickly and carelessly.....you think that I should let you in?"

Kenny had nothing to say, nothing but a gentle, whispered

"Hey, don't do this, please."

"You showed what you are, Kenny. You are selfish, careless, and deceitful. You are a man who has no clue what love even is. A man who chose himself over the man he claimed to love."

Kenny can hear the tears in Kota's voice, but the other man, the golden star, still doesn't shout. Kenny is growing more desperate with every passing second, and the dam finally breaks, and he cries out to Kota. He can feel his hope slipping away, but he clings on. But the remainders of hope are abrasive and jagged and they tore at him ruthlessly.

"I would have taken you with me! I knew your dream, I couldn't ruin that... I couldn't take your dream away from you!" 

Tears are flowing down Kenny's face and Adam just wants to hold him as tight as he can, and make him feel okay again. 

"But you could take yourself from me? You decided that abandoning me was a better option? If I had come with you I would be in a country where I didn't speak the language and you would still spend most of your time with the Elite." He sighed. "You chose yourself over us. Over me."

"That's not true-" he almost whimpered, throat already feeling raw from sobbing. He pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to find some comfort.

"Then why did you leave me. And are you forgetting who you left with? The very man who overthrew you, the man who turned everyone against you, even Matt and Nick! Everyone who loved you. Everyone but me! I stuck by you, throughout it all, and then you ran away. You left me after all I did for you."

"I'll come back-" he said desperately. "I'll book a flight. Anything." Kenny practically begged, and Kenny Omega was not the type to beg. He was a proud man, and yet, here he was.

"That ship has sailed." Kota sighed. "I know it seems like I'm being cruel, and maybe I am. But you just aren't worth trying to make this work. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's over, Kenny. The sooner you grow to accept that fact, the better off you will be."

The dull tone of the line going dead echoed through this mind, ringing in his ears like a twisted melody. It burned. The feeling was spreading through his body.

He needed fresh air. He needed to breathe.

Kenny threw his phone down onto the bed, and walked to the balcony, before gently leaning on the railing. He looked out of the window, up at the sky.

Adam could see the tears in his eyes, and it broke his heart.

"The stars... they're pretty tonight." Kenny whispered. It was filled with something raw and pained, something like heartbreak. Not only heartbreak, though. He could hear a slight smile in the man's voice, like he was seeing bittersweet memories in those stars. 

He stood beside Kenny, looking out at the sky. It wasn't quite pitch black yet. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, settling like morning dewdrops in his hair

"They're... a funny colour, too." Adam said, gently. It was true, the stars seemed to be tinted yellow. Maybe it was something to do with the pollution. 

Kenny smiled broadly, but there was no warmth, and he could feel the tears on his face as he looked back out. Kenny's voice was as fragile and soft as his broken heart, as he whispered 

"Golden. They're golden." 

Adam looked down, and put his hand on Kenny's. Trying to show that he was there without overstepping the line, no matter how desperately he craved to be the one Kenny ran to when it felt like the stars were falling.

"I've not much in the way of comfort... but if it's any consolation... I think I understand what you're feeling." He said gently, with a slight glance his way.

Kenny visibly tensed, fists clenching. There was unprecedented hostility in his voice as he shouted. It was sudden and unexpected.

"You've no idea how it feels!" He was on the cusp between soft crying to full blown sobbing. 

"You've no idea how it feels to want with everything you have to just hold them! But you know in the depths of your heart that they'll push you away, that they don't want you!"

Adam pulled his hand back, away from Kenny's like he'd touched something red-hot. He let out a wounded sound as his mind scrambled to find the words. 

"You know nothing of loyalty, you know nothing of soulmates. You don't know love, Adam. You only know the bottom of a bottle!" Kenny spat, harshly. 

The air felt like it was charged with crackling lightning. The only sounds were Kenny's quiet sobbing. He stood there, rigidly. Arms locked straight at his sides, hands in fists, eyes shut tight, head tilted down so his halo of curls acted as a curtain between the man and the one that Adam believed to be an angel.

It hurt, Adam felt every word. It was nothing Matt and Nick had never said to him, but to hear it from Kenny himself... the only person who believed in him anymore...

It was salt in an open wound that had been on the cusp of healing. It was a lesion on scar tissue, and it was agony.

"I know how it feels to have an addiction you can't quit." He said. It wasn't anger, but betrayal that tinged his voice. "And to want something, someone, you can't have."

"I don't have an addiction." Kenny almost snapped, turning his head to finally look at him. His eyes were bloodshot from sobbing, and he looked to be on the edge of collapse. Whether metaphorically or literally, Adam couldn't be sure. 

"You do, Kenny. You're not above it." He shrugged. "You're addicted to him." 

"I'm not." He denied, looking away and leaning on the railing once more, resting his forearms upon it. 

"You can't go without him. These past few months prove that much. And yet every time you go back to him, it never feels as good as the first. It never feels like the honeymoon days that you had in DDT. It doesn't give you the high. So you keep taking more, chasing a high you'll never get. It still feels good, don't get me wrong. But it's not that picture perfect fairytale it used to be. Am I right, or wrong?"

"How did-" he spluttered almost helplessly.

"It's the definition of addiction, Kenny." He lifted his glass slightly for emphasis. "And it's a definition I know well."

Kenny went quiet for a moment, internalising that information, before looking at Adam.   
"You said you know how it feels to want someone you can't have. Who's your someone?"

Adam smiled softly, joining Kenny in leaning on the railing, holding the glass with both hands.

"He's beautiful." 

There was nothing but the silence and the two of them for a moment. Just them, and the warmth of the Florida night. 

Kenny smiled. "Your eyes have gone all starry. He must be some guy, huh?"

"He really is something." He said dreamily, looking out to the stars, vacantly. The deep blue of the evening sky matched the colour of Kenny's eyes, and the stars matched the spark in them too. It made him smile. Thoughts of Kenny had that effect on him.

"Come on, starry eyes, give me some details!" Kenny grinned, his voice teasing and playful. Adam's heart felt so full. Kenny felt better, and it was because of him. 

"Is it a wrestler? Do I know him?" He asked eagerly, scooting in a little until their shoulders touched, and Adam couldn't help the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Adam chuckled. "Calm down, twinkle toes."

"Twinkle toes?" Kenny raised a brow

"I got a nickname, so it's par for the course."

"Yeah, but why Twinkle toes?"

"You move like a dancer. All graceful and shit."

"Adam, you're just clumsy." Kenny chuckled, and Adam pouted

"Am not, Twinkle toes."

"I hope this doesn't stick." Kenny muttered and Adam flashed a grin.

"Oh, it absolutely will."

"Back to talking about your secret crush." Kenny prodded, and grinned. "Why do you like him? What is it about him that made you fall for him?"

"There's so many things I love about him. His smile, and how it lights up his whole face, filling the room with warmth and happiness... his eyes, and how they sparkle when he's excited or when he laughs... his curly hair and how soft it is... the way he makes everything seem so effortless, like he just dances through everything... And that is I love how he's not afraid to cry, I love how strong he is... there's just so much about him to love. But, the thing I love the most... is the way he's always there for me. Even when i have nowhere else to turn to... he is there to support me. When I was at my lowest point... when I thought I was at the end of the road... he lifted me up." Adam could hear how lovestruck his voice sounded, but he didn't care

"He sounds like a fucking angel."

"Oh, he is."

A one winged angel.

"If you love this guy, go get him. What are you waiting for?"

Adam almost laughed. He was glad intelligence wasn't an important trait in his books, or he would be at a loss. He couldn't have more clearly been describing Kenny.

"He... it's complicated." He smiled sadly. "I don't think they are interested in someone like me."

"You never know if you don't try." Kenny laid down on the bed. "We should get some sleep. It's gone midnight."

Adam climbed in, hogging all the covers. 

"Night, Twinkle toes."

"Goodnight, Starry eyes."


	5. No matter what I say or do, I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

"Motherfucker!" Kenny yelled from the other side of the room, making Adam look up from his sketch rather sharply. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, putting down the now-empty coffee cup. Adam was trying to cut down on his drinking, and it turned out caffeine helped with the urges to drink. Though, it did make him feel very fidgety, and he needed something to focus on, and so he was idly doodling in an attempt to set his mind at ease.

"I have a match today." Kenny sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair. A nervous habit that he had never been able to shake. Adam was willing to bet that the Young Bucks didn't know that. 

"I feel like there's a 'but' coming, we love our job. Sure, it's wild, but-"

"I'm teaming with Matt and Nick." Kenny interrupted, not really in the mood for pleasantries. He was already so stressed, and this was the last thing he needed.

"Son of a bitch!" He yelled out, the words not consulting his brain. It wasn't often that Adam swore out of the blue like that unless he was nervous, unlike Kenny, who had a terrible potty mouth. 

"Uuuuggghhh." He groaned. "It's in an hour. I just got the reminder on my phone. Shit, I gotta change."

"You do that, I'll pack your shit." Adam reassured, tossing him his gear. Kenny caught it, and Adam grabbed some water bottles. 

"You're the best, Hangman." Kenny grinned and quickly changed while Adam packed.

In the bottom of the duffle bag, was a pair of aviator sunglasses. It stumped Adam for a moment, as if there were something he was supposed to know. Something he was supposed to say. But nothing came to mind.

Kenny froze. He had not put them there, and that could only mean one thing. Well, there was a potential second thing. He hoped it was the second thing. He hoped to a god he wasn't sure he believed in.

Either the Bucks were assholes, and had planted them there to freak out Kenny, or...

Kenny didn't want to think about that other possibility. Not right now. Not with what he had coming up. Not with what had happened just yesterday.

Adam ignored them, packing some clothes for Kenny for after his match. They both rushed to the rental car and to Daily's place, heading straight for the EVP room.

When the door swung open, Matt and Nick were sat there, on the couch. Matt stood up

"Kenny, we're-" Matt began, but Kenny shut him down quickly.

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear your excuses." He snapped.

"I'll admit that it was cruel, but no real harm was intended- we were protecting you!" Nick raised his voice to cut him off. 

"You weren't there to protect me when I was breaking down! But he was. He didn't let the mask fool him. He gave me advice that actually helped! Now I can move on. From Kota, and from the two of you." 

Adam looked at Kenny. He was so proud of him. Kenny was a textbook people-pleaser, especially when it came to his friends. He would often cram himself in boxes which he didn't fit into just to keep everyone around him happy.

That pride and joy was shattered when Matt blocked his path to stop him from leaving.

"The match is already set, it's too late to change it." Matt said flatly. "The three of us and Jurassic Express." 

"Then... so be it."

The coldness in his voice was unfamiliar to Adam. Like hearing a song backwards, it was vaguely familiar, but something about it was wrong and almost... distorted. There was the smallest hint of a smile in the voice.

His his movements were suddenly more robotic, as if every part of the precise motion was rehearsed, but his only priority was hitting his marks, not the process that got him to and from. 

Matt couldn't help but smile a little, knowing what this change meant. 

"I think we may be getting a visit from an old friend." Nick said and smiled back at his brother, who nodded knowingly. Kenny glared in response as the brothers walked away to wait for their opponents to head out.

His gaze softened when he turned to Adam. Kenny's voice had a sense of urgency that made him nervous, and he was making direct eye contact. "Watch the match closely, Adam. Promise me you will." 

"I promise. I could come down to ringside if you would like." 

Kenny quickly shook his head. "No. No, that's a bad idea, don't do that- You need to stay back here. Do not come down there, no matter what happens."

"I can't promise that, Kenny- what is going on? What did they mean by an old friend?" Adam didn't even realise that his voice was hushed 

Kenny slumped slightly and looked away.   
"I have to go."

"Kenny!" He called out, but the other man had already left.

He sat down on the couch, and watched the monitors, worriedly. He was wearing Kenny's shirt, still. It made him feel safe. 

He watched every movement on the screen, on edge. Nick started off the match. There was some kind of argument going on between Matt and Kenny. He a was at sure exactly how long it lasted, but it was long enough for Nick to be getting his ass kicked.

He wasn't focusing on the in-ring action, he was focusing on Kenny, and whether he was alright.

Somewhere around 15 minutes into the match, Matt tagged himself in, battling Luchasaurus for a while. Something in Kenny's eyes had shifted. The usual spark was dulled, and there was a foreign fire in his eyes. He couldn't look away from them.

Kenny reaches out to be tagged in, with that robotic, almost rehearsed motion he had gotten a taste of before the match.

Nick nodded toward his brother, who tagged him in. Kenny stepped into the ring.

Every move Kenny made wasn't done with his usual grace and elegance, nor the carefully measured amount of force. Typically, he only used the necessary amount of brutality to defeat his opponents, but this felt different. 

It was sadistic and sinister and vicious, and Adam felt a little sick. This wasn't Kenny, not any more. Marko took a V-trigger to the face, head lolling back sickeningly as he fell to the canvas.

He was oddly fascinated by this version of Kenny, curious and confused. It all rushed into his mind at once. Kenny not wanting him at ringside, the sunglasses, the 'old friend' the young bucks were so excited to see.

The Cleaner was back.

Kenny laughed as he looked down at Marko. He dragged him to his feet by the hair, but he was barely conscious. He picked the smaller man up, putting him up on his shoulders. He moved Marko's leg back, reaching up to grab his head, flipping him over into the move he called the one-winged angel. 

Marko hit the canvas with a crash.

Kenny got the pin, and it was over. He relaxed, learning just moments later that it was a mistake. As the relief filled his body, Kenny smiled at the camera, making a gun with his hand and kissing his fingertips, before bringing his fist down on Marko's head. Over and over, smiling. 

Laughing.

The high pitched giggle rung in his ears, almost hypnotic, and he froze. He looked around, mind scrambling to think of just what to do in a situation such as this.

The young bucks dragged Kenny off into the corner when even they'd had enough. Kenny muttered and laughed to himself, looking unhinged as he leant against the ring ropes. 

Before he could stop himself, he was up on his feet, pushing past the referees and running down to the ring. He cleared the ramp in a few paces. He made eye contact with Kenny, and shivered. That wasn't the Kenny Omega that he was so deeply in love with. No. This was something different. Something cruel and twisted and wrong.

Kenny laughed harder and higher upon seeing Adam. He gripped his curls as he muttered, and the Jacksons exchanged a look of slight surprise with each other. They didn't remember the Cleaner being quite this erratic. 

Kenny grinned as he looked back at him, a sadistic glint in those endless blue eyes as he grabbed Marko's hair once more and laid into him.

Matt went to pull him off of the smaller man, but Adam barged in front of him, shoving him in the chest. 

"Stay away from him! Both of you." He glared, guiding Kenny into the corner. He tried to meet his eyes, but he just kept looking away, still laughing. 

Adam glared over his shoulder at the Bucks, who were honestly looking sheepish. They had just wanted things to feel like they had used to, but had gotten far more than they had ever bargained for. They were learning the hard way to absolutely not mess with things they didn't understand.

He got Kenny, who was still laughing uproariously, to his feet, walking him to the EVP room and crouching in front of him. 

"hey, c'mon, look at me, twinkle toes. I'm here, I've got you, you can do this. You just gotta be brave for me." Adam's voice was soft and gentle, as he tried to get through to him.

Kenny looked through him at first, and something in his eyes flickered. He held his head and groaned tiredly. 

"Where am I- what's- Adam? Adam are you alright!?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Kenny. Are you? 

"I will be." He sighed.

"What happened out there..?" He asked gently. 

Everything in him was screaming to pull Kenny close, press a kiss to his forehead and tell him everything is going to be alright. He knows he can't. He knows he'll lose it all if he does.

So he just sat at Kenny's side. Kenny wouldn't look at him. He understood. 

"I don't remember... but I can explain why it happened."

"That's what I meant." 

"What did he do?" Kenny asked with a soft sigh. He was used to cleaning up his other self's messes, which was ironic, considering his name.

"He?" Adam tilted his head in confusion

"I. What did I do?" he explained, and Adam thought for a moment.

"Well... what's the last thing you remember?

"Opening the door to the EVP room. After that my memory just blanks out."

Adam sighed. "So... we opened the door and they were here. You argued, and for a moment you went all... weird. Then you made me promise to stay here and keep an eye out... and so I did. You were arguing, with Matt and Nick. And something changed again. I noticed it in your eyes, particularly... and you were suddenly not yourself... you beat Marko stunt within an inch of his life... he's okay now, at least that's what I heard... and I got you back here."

"Promise me something." Kenny urges and Adam hesitated, before whispering.

"Anything for you, Kenny." 

He meant it. He loved Kenny with all his heart and soul, and he truly would do anything for him. 

"Just... don't leave, okay?" Kenny pleaded, finally managing to look at him, though it was only for a brief moment.

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't think you could make me leave if you tried."


	6. I don't want you to go but I want you so, so tell me what we choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got done a lot quicker than I anticipated! So here you go!

The EVP room is quiet, but the gentle hum of the monitor on which the show was playing kept the room from feeling awkwardly silent. 

Kenny is trying to string words together. Normally he has no trouble, even if the way he speaks comes off as awkward and disjointed to most people, he never runs out of words to say. 

They're always there, nagging in his mind to say something, even if it's not worth saying. It's hard, sometimes, to bite back the irritating and unnecessary questions and the pointless remarks. But as the years washed by, he had gotten used to the almost intrusive thoughts. 

His elbows are resting on his knees, and his hands are clasped together in front of him. He was still so tired, and his head felt foggy. He always felt that way after a shift, especially one that violent, and he was pushing himself far past his limits. He felt that Adam deserved an explanation, and he was going to give it.

"What you saw out there, was the Cleaner." Kenny said gently. "He's a part of me, but not.. me. It's hard to explain. He... He's always been there. He probably always will be. He's agressive, violent, sadistic. I don't know what he is... He's just there." he admitted. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest. He wished he had a blanket to swaddle up in. He felt so weak, as if he wasn't in full control of his body just yet. It was genuinely frightening.

"Sometimes he gets control, and I get locked away. It's not a nice feeling. I feel like I'm floating in a void. I have to keep myself busy or I feel like I'm about to go totally crazy. I can observe... but it's best to look away. I don't remember anything when he finally steps away from the wheel, so to speak."

"That must be terrifying."

"It's actually kind of cathartic. It first happened when I was in DDT... with Kota. It freaked me out, and when I came to, he talked me down, told me what happened. It only got worse over time." 

Kenny let out a deep sigh. 

"After a while, I learned to embrace it. It's a part of me, you know? Then I embraced it a little too much. Let it consume me. That's how the Cleaner came to lead Bullet Club. He had the reins most of the time. Then Kota came back into my life... and though things were rocky with Cody and everything... it felt like everything fixed."

Kenny was getting a little bit choked up now, a rare sight he reserved only for those close to him.

"I always thought it would be difficult to find someone who will love me, when my mind is always scattered into pieces. It's like solving a puzzle when you aren't even sure you have the right parts. I'm a fucking mess- I thought I would be alone forever, and I still think I deserve to be. All the people he's hurt... I don't deserve to be happy."

Adam's heart broke, at that. He wanted to tell him just what Kenny meant to him, how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this angel that had somehow come to earth. He wanted to tell him that he loved every fractured part of Kenny's soul, and everything that came with him. He wanted to cup his cheeks and look into his eyes and tell him emphatically that he deserved happiness, that he deserved love. 

"But then... Kota... showed me that, every piece doesn't have to be in place to make something beautiful, and that love can exist in the most lost and broken people. He saved me in my darkest time. He was my rock... he was the best he could have been and I still managed to fuck it up." 

He wiped his eyes, which were filling with tears. Adam wasn't sure what to do, there were so many things he could do, but all of them would require crossing a boundary. Doing something that couldn't be taken back.

He couldn't risk the friendship he had built.

"I'm sorry, this is silly." Kenny sniffled in response to Adam's open-mouthed silence.

"No. It's not silly, and anyone who told you that is an idiot. I promise you, that I will be here. I will be your friend, whether your mind is in a thousand pieces, or just one. I swear it." 

"I don't deserve you." He could feel the tears rolling down his face. "I don't deserve a single thing you have done for me." 

"You deserve the world, Kenny." He insisted

And he meant it, he meant it with every bit of himself. Kenny deserves the world, and if Adam could, he would give it to him. If all he could give right now was this fragile comfort, he would give that too.

"Well, what do we do from here?" Adam asked. "Is there a way to calm him? Or contain him? Or even reason with him?"

"I'm not sure." Kenny admitted. "But we should absolutely come up with some ideas. I don't want to hurt anyone else."

Kenny found himself admiring how Adam looked in this light. His eyes, and the way they lit up when he was happy. The way he bit his lip and twiddled a stand of his hair when he was deep in thought. 

It wasn't the same as the rush of adrenaline Kota had given him. This wasn't constant push and pull of the Golden Star's gravity, drawing him in with an almost magnetic force. There wasn't the magnetism he had with Kota. There was no sense of obligation, no calling of destiny or fate leading him right to the other man.

His heart just felt so full around Adam. He smiled more. He felt overall better. His world felt a little brighter, his world had more colour. More life. It was a beautiful symphony of highs and lows, and Kenny never wanted to stop listening.

It wasn't the constant, overwhelming passion, that feeling of undying love and adoration. It wasn't that fairytale of 'the one' he had been spoon-fed as a child. It wasn't that unending devotion, it wasnt the constant competiton.

This wasn't a soulmate.

It actually felt better, in a roundabout way. There was no pressure. Things were easy. There was no hesitation, no restraint. 

He had loved Kota, adored him with every cell in his body, had almost worshipped him and the feelings he brought. 

But he was in love with Adam now, and that was all that mattered to him. 

He was the calm to Kenny's storm. 

Kota had been a beautiful firework display of a man, and Kenny would tell his story for years to come, likely for the rest of his days. They had drowned themselves in each other's everything, and no matter how slow they took it, it had always been too much too soon. 

They were two hurricanes colliding to form a unit, one ultimately stronger than the sum of it's parts. They had danced to their melody of devastation, ruling the divisions of DDT and NJPW alike, hand in hand. 

But like all hurricanes do, the winds slowly lost power, the rains grew lighter, and the sky cleared once more. 

This was a new chance, and Kenny already felt like he had fucked it up. He hears a voice, distantly calling him, as if from the end of a long tunnel.

"Hey! Twinkle toes? Earth to Kenny!" Adam was waving a hand in front of his face, looking somewhere between worried and amused by Kenny's daydreaming.

It was then Kenny realised that he had been staring longingly at Adam for a good few minutes. He almost slapped himself. He clearly had someone he was pining over. It was never going to happen, and he needed to get the thought out of his head.

"Huh?" He felt his cheeks gently heat up, and Adam chuckled, smiling at him like he was all that mattered. Kenny thought his heart was going to burst, he just felt so happy. 

"You spaced out a little. I was worried you'd shifted." He patted his friends shoulder. "Are you alright?"

He smiled weakly. "It's sweet that you're concerned. But it doesn't normally happen more than once a day. I feel weak after one shift, let alone two. He'll probably stay dormant for a little while."

"Well... if he does come back, I think I may have a solution. It'll only work once though." He smiled. 

"What is it?" Kenny asked with a raised brow, curiosity growing by the millisecond. 

"If I tell you, it won't work." He chuckled softly. "Like a birthday wish."

Kenny gave a smile at that comparison. That soft, almost ethereal feeling only grew as he heard Adam laugh.

"Are you okay to walk back to the hotel?" The cowboy asked, glancing at him. "I can get an Uber. You look really pale..."

"I'll be okay." He insisted. Kenny was stubborn and prideful, but even he had limits where he would admit weakness. "I just want to curl up... I feel so... unsteady. It's the only word that really describes the feeling."

"You can lean on me, if you like." Adam stood, extending a hand to Kenny, who gratefully took it. Adam pulled him up, but Kenny stumbled, falling against his chest. Adam caught him, keeping him close to his chest. It wasn't quite an embrace, but it was close enough for each of them.

"I've got you, buddy." Adam whispered in his ear, as he helped him stand. They each savoured every second of closeness, before Kenny found his footing and straightened up.

He smiled at Kenny, helping him back to the hotel, stealing glances at every available moment. He didn't think- no, he knew- that Kenny would never love him. But if he could stay a while, that would be enough.

If this man could give him just a fraction of his time, if he could be a page in his story... that would be enough.

They went through their normal evening routine. Cheap takeout, Changing back to back and crawling into a double bed together. 

Adam was worried, but he was also exhausted. All the stress of the past few days had exhausted him so thoroughly that he felt like he was melting into the bed. And that was without even mentioning cutting down on the drinking that he used as a crutch to deal with things such as these. He drifted into a peaceful sleep, facing Kenny rather than being turned away. 

Kenny looked over at him, and smiled. He looked beautiful. 

Almost without thinking, he shuffled a little closer and wrapped an arm around him, and just held him like that. He closed his eyes and drifted off, thinking of him


	7. I just need enough of you to dull the pain, to get through the night ‘til we’re twins again

The sun had long since risen over the horizon, natural light filtering through the shitty hotel curtains. Even so, they slept long into the afternoon.

Kenny was the first of the two to wake up. He was more adjusted to waking for early morning flights, or sleeping for 18 hours straight than getting a decent 11 hours and waking at a reasonable hour. So it wasn't at all surprising he had slept for so long. However, it felt a little odd that Adam had followed in his footsteps and slept through.

Maybe the stress of the past few days was getting to them both. He certainly couldn't blame Adam if that was the problem.

The first thing Kenny knew was warmth, and a familiar fluttering sensation in his chest. His eyes didn't flutter open gracefully, he squinted and grumbled and hid his face in the pillow to shield himself from the intrusive light that was searing his retinas.

Oh.

That wasn't a pillow he was nuzzling into.

It was Adam.

Kenny's head had been tucked into the crook of his neck, and his arm had been wrapped around Adam's waist. Both of the Cowboy's arms had pulled him closer into his chest, and their legs were tangled together.

Kenny knew full well that he should pull away from Adam right there, or wake him so they could get out of this awkward situation. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when he felt warmer and happier and more loved than he had felt in over a year. He just watched over him in silence, smiling at his sleeping face.

He knew it was creepy to watch someone sleep, but that fact was staying firmly at the back of his mind. It wasn't like he could actually look anywhere else even if he wanted to. 

What mattered to him most right now was just how beautiful Adam looked, golden curls spread out across the white pillows, peacefully asleep. Kenny let out a happy sigh. He couldn't imagine a sensation closer to heaven than the one he was currently experiencing.

Adam woke only moments later, eyes fluttering open to see Kenny in his arms. It wasn't like the man could have moved with their legs all tangled and their faces only inches apart.

Kenny was blushing slightly, and he wanted to speak up, but the words ran away when he began to search for them. 

There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to tell him to stay right there and to never let go ever again, he wanted to tell him just how much he needed this right now.

Why did the words always leave him when he needed them the most? Why did those sparks warm his heart and bring life to his world when he was close to Adam? 

Was this love? Had he fallen in love all over again? Why did he have to fall in love again, so soon after losing his soulmate?

Frustration filled his head, and he fought back the urge to scream into a pillow. It was like Adam had said, he supposed. 

Life's a bitch, and just loves to bring things back around after you have laid them to rest. It loves to torment you like that, that's just the way fate works. It toys with you and taunts you, bringing past mistakes to life all over again. 

Adam wasn't showing it on his face, but his heart was racing. He could feel his heart beating against his ribcage, he could feel the butterflies in his stomach. He took a moment to remind himself that they had slept in the same bed, many times. This was bound to happen eventually. 

Falling asleep back-to-back and ending up holding your travel companion by morning was a regular occurrence, especially in winter. That was just life on the road, and had been purely platonic. Nothing more.

But this was the first time it had happened with Kenny. And he liked it. 

He wanted to spend every morning like that, wrapped in Kenny's warm embrace, holding this angel in his arms and knowing that there was no place in this world he would rather be than at his side. They'd know in reality they had to move soon, but that wouldn't stop Adam leaning over to snooze his alarm for just a few more precious seconds with Kenny.

He had to remind himself that these thoughts were unrealistic. There was nothing behind this little incident. He was just being stupid, and daydreaming like a dumb idiot. 

"I.." Kenny started, before looking down and laughing nervously. He had never really been good at handling awkwardness, especially not first thing in the morning. His brain needed to be fully awake for social interactions of any kind, let alone ones when he had to be tactful.

There was an awkward silence, the kind you would often try to fill with a laugh, but that would just make it all the more unnerving.

Neither of them spoke. They both silently let go of each other, even though they secretly had wanted to hold on forever. Kenny called dibs on the bathroom, and Adam had shrugged. 

He laid back, trying and failing not to get lost in Kenny's voice as he sang anime openings in the shower. He didn't understand a word of it, but it still sounded just as beautiful as any sound that he had ever heard.

Kenny walked out of the bathroom in one of his usual nerdy t-shirts and a pair of cargo shorts. How he looked so goddamn pretty in something so simple was beyond Adam, and his hair looked so soft and fluffy after it had just been dried. He just wanted to reach out and touch it. 

He took a cold shower, trying to reset his system and get himself thinking straight again. Kenny was his friend and nothing more and that is how it would stay. He needed to get that straight in his head. Kenny still loved Kota. It wasn't going to happen, they weren't going to happen. It just wasn't in the cards and he needed to accept that.

He dressed, pulling on a shirt and jeans, brushing out his hair and wincing as the brush caught on his curls. They may be pretty, but they are certainly hard to take care of. 

He suspected that most of the evening would be spent killing time until they had to get ready for dynamite. They would probably just spend it in the EVP room, watching from the monitors and making sure things went smoothly.

Kenny tried to apologise, but Adam waved it off. 

"Hey, it was an accident. There's been so much talk about Ibushi lately that I'm not surprised. It happens." He shrugged. "Don't worry about it, okay? It was actually kinda.." 

Quick. Think of a cover or this is going to get real awkward.

"Kinda funny."

Kenny smiled. "Thanks, man."

"Like I said, don't sweat it." He said, more to himself than to Kenny. He made solid eye contact as he spoke once more. 

"We're a team. I've got your back. Don't forget that." Adam gave him a warm smile that made Kenny's heart do a cartwheel. 

He was stunned to silence for a brief moment before softly uttering. "I won't. I've got your back too."

There was a small moment of quiet where they each internalised the words, savouring them, allowing them to sink in and fill them with joy.

"How long until we need to get there?" Adam asked gently

"A good 3 hours. We've got some time to kill. How's about we get some room service, and I kick your ass at some smash bros? Or Mariokart, if you prefer." 

"Is that a challenge?" Adam said dramatically. "Be careful how you proceed, good man."

"Intemperate indeed, good man." He replied, equally theatrical, taking the Hamilton reference in his frankly ridiculous stride. "I challenge you to a duel of wheels!" Kenny announced, holding up two Joy-con controllers. It was like he never stopped performing.

"Are you done?" Adam asked and Kenny dropped the act for a moment.

"Are you in or are you out? There's always single player mo-"

"I accept!" Adam interrupted. "Wheels at...." he checked his phone for the time. "4:37 pm. A bit less exciting than dawn, but oh well." 

Kenny piped up. "What do you want me to do about it, change the time?" 

"Touché." Adam replied. "Oh well. 4:37 it is."

Kenny set up his switch and Adam called for room service, ordering enough food for after their match too. 

Adam picked Luigi, and Kenny picked Rosalina, but not without getting at least mildly heckled for it. Within a just few minutes of loading up mariokart, they were having the time of their lives. The playful trash talk and good natured teasing was in full swing as they took bites of their food between races, and launched projectiles at each other's characters. 

Adam muttered a few expletives as Kenny fired a perfectly timed shell and overtook him, claiming first place. He slid down the rankings, and soon the muttering became yelling.

Kenny was far better at the game, he knew the courses and had put the time in on each of them. Adam did a mock-evil laugh darkly as he get a blue shell from the next item box

"Take that, twinkle toes." He yelled out gleefully as he fired it, and Kenny cursed but grinned.

"Hey! We're a team, be nice!" His tag team partner scolded

"Never!" He chuckled before his face returned to a look of immense concentration, and Kenny can't help but beam. 

He loved moments like this, when they each felt so light and all that mattered was beating each other at Mariokart. 

Kenny won, he always did, and he never hesitated to rub it in. Eventually they just collapsed into hysterics, trying to catch their breath.

After a few races, they finish their food and together everything together. Kenny tidies the food away while Adam packs their gym bag.

"You need anything else for the bag?"

"Yeah, can you toss me a water bottle from the mini fridge?" He asked, making sure they had a change of clothes. Before Adam knew what was going on, he was hit in the face by a flying plastic water bottle.

"Okay, now that you do need to apologise for!" Adam scolded playfully, trying to ease the obvious tension in the air. It seemed to dissipate immediately, and was replaced with warmth and light 

"It was an accident!" Kenny insisted and Adam rolled his eyes

"You threw it at my face!" Adam retorted, catching a second bottle without even looking. 

"You did ask me to toss it to you." Lenny pointed out, and Adam huffed.

"Yeah, and you threw it like it was a baseball. That's not 'tossing'" 

"Do we need to google the definition of 'toss' to settle this?"

"You know we do." He grinned over his shoulder at Kenny, who was holding back a laugh, just giving him a coy smile. Adam pouted playfully, putting the bottle in their gym bag. 

Kenny pulled out his phone to google it and Adam peeked over his shoulder.

"Dammit! It says here 'to throw something somewhere lightly or casually.' You win this round, Cowboy." 

"Aha! Take that, Twinkle toes!" He said, gleefully.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. We really should be going now."


	8. The anticipation before the kiss, mirrored in my shaking lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note! 
> 
> This was my in-reserve chapter since I’ll likely be inactive over the Christmas period! So I tried to make this a very special chapter for you all!

They got to the EVP room with only a few moments to spare before the show went live, and practically threw themselves down on the couch. They needed the reprieve. Everything felt so tense at the moment, and they each craved some normalcy in their lives. Something to lean on.

And so they looked to each other.

To lift each other when they both needed it. To fill a spiralling void with aimless conversation, conversation that could console their worrying bones and soothe their aching hearts. The empty ambience of the room, the hum of the monitor, the voices down the hall, all practically just screamed out 'talk to me'.

"It feels weird to sit back and actually be able to just watch a wrestling show for once." Kenny smiled, leaning back and shifting on the couch. A tag team match was playing on the monitor, and they were each enjoying a drink of their choice. It broke the tension, filling that cold, impossible void with liquid gold.

"Feels good, though." Adam piped up, sipping on a beer. He didn't want to have anything too strong. A beer never got him drunk anymore, but it did numb the urges to have anything stronger. A win-win, in his eyes.

"That's your first drink in a few days." Kenny observed, gesturing with his water bottle. "I'm proud of you, cowboy. But you don't have to change just because we're a team now."

"I have a problem, Kenny." Adam sighed.

It was the hardest thing he had ever admitted, and yet the words just slipped out before he could even stop them. Kenny looked at him, almost sharply, with surprise and a little bit of confusion, so he decided to elaborate.

"That day, when you shouted at me, after Kota called...you helped me see that. And I want to turn things around. Because... I know I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be sober. So... thank you. For showing me I can do it. For showing me that I need to do it."

There was a pause. The atmosphere was warm and comforting, almost inviting. Kenny could feel his heart swell. 

"I'm still sorry about that. Those words did come from a bad place..."

"But there was more truth in that than either of us knew at the time." Adam chuckled nervously. "And... part of me wants to show Matt and Nick what I'm capable of." He admitted, with a small smile, trying to offset the weight of the statement by making it seem humorous. Unfortunately for him, Kenny knew him very well, and wasn't fooled, not for one moment.

The look on his companion's face grew serious, and he looked over at Adam.

"Make sure you're doing this for you. You're right. You do deserve to be happy and sober, and you absolutely can do it. You're one of the strongest guys I know." He smiled. 

There was another, comfortable silence before Kenny began to speak again.

"Why did you stay in the Elite for so long? You had to endure all that bullying from Matt and Nick about an addiction that you were greatly struggling with as it was... it all seemed to be in good fun at the time, but-"

"It actually didn't." Adam interrupted, a little pissed. "They didn't really do much to hide the hostility about my drinking habits, addiction or not."

"Sorry. It's instinct to stand up for them. I think they're getting to me a little..." He sounded sheepish. 

"You're nothing like them, Kenny. You actually care about me." He reassured. Kenny was shifting in his seat, like he was nervous, and Adam glanced at him. He had been a little restless since they had gotten here. Kenny got restless sometimes, when he was stressed. He remembered it from Japan, recalled it faintly from Golden days long since passed. 

He could feel the icy worry pooling in his gut as he realised just what this could mean. Especially at a time of such high stress. He needed to be tactful. It wouldn't take much to tip his friend over the edge.

"You okay, Kenny?"

"Yeah, just- stupid Bucks, leaving their shit everywhere..." he mumbled as he stood, turning to find whatever it was he had been sitting on. He saw a pair of Aviators where he had been sat, and froze up. He snapped them clean in half and tossed them in the trash. 

"Why did you stay?" The anger hadn't quite left Kenny's voice yet, and his breathing was heavy and ragged.

"I stayed for you." 

"Come on Cowboy, that's some rom-com shit right there." Kenny sat back down, flashing a wide grin to show that he was okay, and Hangman chuckled, relief in his soft laugh.

Kenny almost let out a sigh of relief and didn't meet his eyes again after that. They would give too much away, Adam knew him too well, too well for either of their own good. He would know that Kenny was very much not okay.

"No, it's the truth. I knew that if I left that would mean splitting away from you, too. And I was terrified to be all on my own again." 

"I hear ya. That's why I stayed. I loved the Bucks. A bit of me still does, but they were being so... selfish. I wish I could say it was out of character, but it's not. It's just normally when they're selfish... I'm included in the 'self' being protected, if that even makes sense. I needed to get away. Thanks for giving me that courage." 

Kenny sighed deeply before continuing. 

"I'm so used to being surrounded by people I can rely on. Bullet club, the Elite..." he trailed off 

"Ibushi..." Adam added unhelpfully. Kenny nodded curtly, quickly moving on.

"I was scared to go it alone again. But I'm not alone, because we've got each other."

"Always. I'll never turn my back on you, never have, never will." He promised

There was a brief awkward silence.

"Except that one time-" Kenny started

"Yeah, how about we agree to not talk about that-" 

"Sounds great, I'm in." He agreed.

They gently bantered as they observed the show, their words light and playful and affectionate. It was smooth and friendly, but both of them could feel that something bad was coming. It was in the air, he could feel it.

He didn't want to leave Kenny alone. Not at a time like this. Not when Kenny so clearly needed something, someone, to latch onto. 

"I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in 5, alright? Let me know what happens.

Kenny nods and gives a thumbs up, watching Team Taz waffle on, on the screen. He tried to relax, but without Hangman to guide him through the uneasy emptiness, he was left alone with the swirling thoughts. They tormented him, telling him things he already knew.

Then the door burst open.

For a moment, he was thankful for the escape from his haunting reverie. Less thankful when he saw the two men in the doorway.

"You left these behind, along with us." Matt almost spat, laying the Cleaner's jacket across Kenny's lap, and dropping the gloves and glasses on top.

When the items had first been in the room, just a meter away from him, he could feel them. They almost gave off an aura. It made him shiver, being able to feel them. He could hear the Cleaner's voice in his ears. Not unlike his own, but he found that his alter ego's tone was colder, less playful. Even when he was toying with an enemy, it was with a cold smirk, not a vicious grin.

And just like that, Kenny was locked away. Crammed into the deepest recesses of his own mind, unable to control his own body.

The last thing he heard was the cold echo of Matt's laugh as he walked away. 

Hangman was already hurrying back, but when he saw Nick lingering in a nearby hallway, he broke into a sprint. When he opened the door... he found Kenny.

In full Cleaner gear. Leather trenchcoat, aviators, leather gloves. With his signature cold but smug smile.

Hangman let out a deep sigh.

He couldn't tell if Kenny was looking at him, not through the shades. He reached up to take them off, tenderness in his every move. The Cleaner's leather-clad hands moves sharply to grip his wrist, tight enough to hurt, bending it back at a slightly unnatural angle.

Tears sprang to his eyes, due to both the pain and the desperation that were mingling to create a sonata of sorrow. 

"I.... I love you." He whispered.

Nothing.

"You hear me? I love you, you idiot! I love you more than anything else in the world!"

The Cleaner faltered, letting go of his wrist. He lowered his sunglasses to look over them, confused and surprised.

Fuck it.

It's all or nothing. He's come too far to turn back, and if there's one time to be brave, it's now.

Ripping of the chains of caution and casting them into the wind, he pulls the sunglasses away, leaving no barriers between them. He grabs Kenny by the collar of the leather jacket, and pulls him into the deepest, longest kiss of his life.

It's too much and too little and everything at once. It's a perfect disaster, beautiful trauma, a bittersweet paradise.

Their lips fit together like a puzzle, and moved in tandem. Adam had a firm grip on Kenny's collar, as he savoured the sweet taste of his lips. His lips were chapped from where they had been bitten, but it just reminded him that this was Kenny he was kissing, and it was so perfect.

Kenny was in awe as all the pieces fell into place. He was Adam's someone. Adam loves him. His thoughts are spiralling and dancing through his head so fast he doesn't think to pull away for air until his lungs are burning.

He can feel that Kenny is back, and is struck with the sudden realisation that he didn't think this far ahead. 

They part, and Kenny is panting. His breathing is ragged, and his lips are parted. He's still almost frozen in shock as he gently takes off the sunglasses.

"I... Adam..." he breathed out, and Adam turns his head away. 

There's a horrible silence for a few moments.

Adam stammers for a brief few moments, stumbling over apologies. Kenny gracefully tugs off the black glove, pressing his finger to Adam's lips. There's a gentle, warmth-filled smile on his face as he tucks a curl behind his partner's hair with the other hand, brushing his cheek with a ring-calloused palm.

"Shhhhh." He hushed sweetly. Gently.

"I... We... love you too."


	9. You’re a lighthouse, Calling me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter!
> 
> I’m so grateful for all the support I’ve received for this story. Thank you all so much! 
> 
> Have some sweet fluff.

"So.... you were talking about me, that night on the balcony?" Kenny asked. He gently held Adam's hand in his. Despite the frantic kiss just a few moments ago, there was an unspoken agreement that this would be a gradual process. Keeping it light and breezy, so to speak. 

"Yeah. To be honest, I thought you would figure it out. Then I remembered that I'm in love with a dumbass." Adam grinned, resting his head on Kenny's shoulder. The words were said in such an endearing tone that Kenny couldn't even pretend to be mad

"Damn right you are." Kenny stole a short kiss, cupping the side of his face. Hangman leant in eagerly, and they each pulled away only when air became scarce. 

So much for light and breezy.

It was comfortable, though. Unlike with Kota, simple moments like these didn't feel heavy, like some kind of life changing decision. It felt like just another day with extra touches. It was exactly what they had each longed for from each other. To be just a little more than friends.

"So, how's Mr Clean taking all this?" Adam asked. It just felt right, to be cuddled up to Kenny in such a manner.

Kenny stifled a chuckle at the nickname, and mock pouted. "He gets a nickname too? I thought that was a me thing." 

"Nope, you both get nicknames, Twinkle toes." He grinned. Kenny chuckled as he put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in just a little bit closer. Not quite possessive, but the intent was there. 

"He loves you just as much as I do. In fact, this is him speaking now, in a way. Its both of us. He's cooperating, and he only interrupts my thoughts to tell me to do something actually useful. We're sharing the wheel, instead of fighting for control constantly. We're like a shared consciousness. It feels pretty great. When he wants to speak, I let him. When I want to, he lets me. It's confusing, I know-"

"Whether you are fractured or whole, I'll love you all the same." Adam said, barely missing a beat. "Both of you."

"You're a smooth talker." Kenny smiled, a big, genuine smile. 

"It's part of my southern charm." He teased, and Kenny gave a long chuckle. They kept watching the monitor.

"So, what'd I miss?" Kenny asked, shrugging off the jacket and peeling off the other leather glove. 

"Team Taz waffling on, but not much else. What... what happened? What caused the shift? I saw Nick in the hallway and panicked- I came as fast as I could nit you had already fully shifted"

Kenny sighed. "They said something about leaving them behind, then they gave me the gear. The same gear I wore the last time he and I had an agreement like this, back when we were in Japan. At the height of Bullet Club. And then, poof. My memory stops there." 

"Those jealous, selfish pricks." Adam crossed his arms, looking like a child who had been told they couldn't have anymore dessert. "I'm going to kick their asses." He huffed, and his eyebrows furrowed. Kenny found it oddly adorable. 

"Hey, hey, calm down." Kenny soothed, wrapping an arm around him. 

"Stop talkin' to me like I'm a horse!" Adam knows he's overreacting just a teeny bit. His southern accent grew a little more prominent when he yelled, which was news to Kenny. After all, Adam didn't often raise his voice, at least when he was around. 

He took a breath to try to calm himself, but it didn't do much in the way of settling him.

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter if you are okay, it was reckless. It was done with malicious intent! They know the emotional impact that has on you. Not to mention how exhausted you are in the aftermath!"

"We'll kick their asses later, cowboy." Kenny assured him. "Lets ignore them for now. If they don't deserve my tears, and I know that they don't, then they don't deserve your anger."

"Alright. But only for you, Twinkle toes." He rests his head on his chest, taking some deep breaths. Kenny shuffles so they're each horizontal on the couch, and Adam is partially laying on him. Kenny has an arm wrapped around him, and the other was idly playing with his tangled curls.

It's perfect. They can feel each other, they aren't alone. Even though they had lost so much, and even though they each felt a little lonely, at least they could feel lonely together, as Oxymoronic as that may be.

The evening passed in a blur. They were each exhausted, and just wanted things to feel calm, to feel normal and safe for just a while. They felt safe with each other, so neither of them strayed far from their partner's side. 

Despite his tiredness, Kenny couldn't keep his hands off Adam. He was always making some kind of contact, whether it was holding him close or holding his hand, kissing his cheek, the top of his head, his shoulders, playing with his hair. 

It kept them both grounded. Reminding them what they had. That things were okay now, that there was nothing to be scared of anymore. As long as they had each other, there was absolutely nothing to fear.

No words were spoken, as they walked back to the hotel. There was no need for them, there never was. Words were complicated, This was not. This was easy bliss that flowed like the most elegant brushstroke, or the most fluent prose. 

It was the kind of perfection that drizzles as smooth as caramel, decorating the memory with a rosy tint so that every time they think of it, it seems more romantic. 

They were walking the rainy streets under a single umbrella. Adam had his arm loosely draped around Kenny's waist, while Kenny held the umbrella. The only thing illuming the path was the sallow light of street-lamps, casting spotlights onto the pavement. 

It was silent except for the pitter-patter of rain and the scuffing of shoes against the damp asphalt. Adam felt more at peace than he had felt in quite some time. The swirling vortex of self-hating thoughts had stilled, even if it were only temporarily, and he was walking home with his favourite person in the whole world. 

They walked up to their room, and Kenny pulled him into a deep and desperate kiss that left them both gasping against each other's lips, not wanting to part for even a second more than necessary.

Kenny whispered his name like a prayer. What he was oraying for, he didn't know, but he felt like it had been answered. He leant back in to continue the kiss, a hand that had previously been on his waist sliding up to tangle in his hair, gripping the soft golden curls. The other hand moves from his collar to rest on his shoulder.

He's satisfied with the fact that the word golden makes him think of Adam, now. Kota fades into the background. A distant memkry that he looks upon with great fondness, and if he were to reach out, he wa sure they could be friends. But Adam felt like home.

Kota had been a fragile kind of anarchy. Every moment had been intense, all roses and thorns. Adam was a bed of fresh daisies, soft and gentle and familiar. Welcoming and forgiving, and just as beautiful.

The cowboy raises his hand to cup his loves face, tilting his head to further deepen the kiss. The closeness was what they both needed so badly in this moment. Adam pulled him in a little by the waist. He could feel Kenny's body pressed against him, keeping him close. 

He never wants this to end. 

They split for air, they have to eventually. They keep each other close, craving contact, craving to feel loved. He knew he was touch starved, but he didn't know he had needed this so badly. He didn't know how much he needed to be held by someone who he knew adored him.

Kenny's ragged breathing his a beautiful refrain, one he never wants to stop hearing. 

He felt like he was flying. 

Their breathing softens and calms, and the moment is perfect. Nothing but the silence and each other's warmth. 

They practically collapsed onto the bed, shuffling their way under the covers.

Kenny snuggled into Adam's chest, and Adam   
stroked his blonde hair, eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the sensation of his lover relaxing in his arms. 

In Adam's eyes, absolutely nothing in the world meant as much, or would ever mean as much, as the man who was falling asleep in his arms.


End file.
